The Heart Epiphany Part 4

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Self-love is about being HONEST with yourself about yourself, and about others. You may have to admit that you are selfish, petty to the 10th power, maybe you do let people walk all over you, maybe you do think you are better than others, maybe you are lonely, maybe you do have insecurities. MAYBE they don’t love you or respect you. Maybe it is just about sex. Maybe you never wanted to be a physical therapist, nurse, warehouse worker and you really wanted to open a bakery. You may have to admit that you were wrong and that you hurt someone. The truth will set you free but only if you tell the truth to yourself and others. It is hard work.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Know When to Walk Away, Know When to Run

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It’s ironic that Kenny Rogers passed on yesterday and I was thinking of using the lyrics from one of his songs as a blog titled. First, let me say, Rest in Love to Mr. Rogers. I always thought he was handsome and enjoyed his music, his voice.

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had another dating “lesson” (not fail). It really wasn’t much of a lesson. It was more like a blessing and a test. I am happy to report I passed the test with flying colors. EVERYTHING was going smooth. I was really digging this guy, but I was also holding back a little. I think that is what made the difference as far as not being terribly disappointed. Listening to my intuition telling me to hold back, slow down, no rush, was key. TRUSTING THAT INTUITION. The evidence, however, came from God’s revelation of showing me what was hidden, what I could not see. Once revealed and after an all day conversation, the individual dropped communication just as easy as he had began it with me.

Listen, you don’t have to have HUGE pieces of evidence, huge RED flags blowing in the wind, you don’t have to collect small pieces of evidence, you just need to KNOW what you KNOW with the evidence you have. Pretending that you don’t see it, feel it, know it, is one of the worse things you can do. Another thing we do is when talking to an individual and the “stuff” (I want to say shit, but I am being nice & Christian like today), they are saying doesn’t make sense or barely makes sense, IS TO ACCEPT THE BULL! Why would you accept it? Maybe, you really like the person or don’t want to be alone. None of those are good reasons and you need to do some deep healing and soul searching to find out why you want to hold on to thorns thinking you have a rose when you really have a cactus.

If you see the signs in the beginning, get a feeling in the middle, you can trust it’s something going on after you have ruled your own insecurities out. If it feels off it’s because it is off. There is no time for trying to figure out, who, what, when, where, and how. There is no need for debates and explanations. No need for the WHY ME Lord. Sometimes you’ve got to get out of there and hit the road. Walking or Running. Don’t gamble with your heart or life. Certainly, don’t let others.

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’
When the dealin’s done

-Kenny Rogers, Gambler

~Nikki

 

 

Valentine’s Night (I Think We Are Going To Need Back Up)

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I had plans! I vowed to not be at home tonight. I had cute dresses lined up to choose from. I was hanging out with singles. Maybe have a cocktail and enjoy great conversations. It turns out that my body had different plans. I’ve come to adjust to this most times and I know when to push through and when to stop. Rest. Yield. But I really, really, wanted to get out of this house!

I make chocolate covered strawberries every year. I’ve done this for almost 12 years. Yesterday, I had a very long day and lately I’ve become unusually tired in the afternoons. Yesterday was a day where things popped up left and right and put me behind on making berries. It also became an evening of pain with fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid. I did sleep sound but when I woke up it was hard to get out of the bed. My eyes were sore. I got up and got going. I thought my body would catch up with my mind and emotions but it never did.

So, instead of having a blog about my fabulous outing, here is one about my FUZZY night in.

I soak my hands in warm water and Epsom salt. They hurt from dipping berries. I order from the wing place literally one light away from my home. I decide to make this night a guilt free, indulge in web surfing, TV watching, anti lovey dovey watching movie night. I take a hot shower, get my FUZZY socks, and I chat it up online with whomever wants to talk. Whomever is home just like me. I’m in a few of my groups chatting and cheering up folks. I don’t answer the phone for anyone that is energy draining, complaining, disagreeable, or argumentative. Sorry, not tonight, I am in chill mode. I’ve got my incense burning and the name of the scent is Blessed Rest. And DEAR GOD do I need it! I’m bypassing the glass of Stella and opting for baked chocolate chip cookies and milk.

This…is PLAN B.

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~Nikki

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Shop Closed for Repairs

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I could give up. Quit. Become bitter. And the people that have hurt me or disappointed me will keep on doing what they do. So instead of giving up completely on love, the option is to take a break. It’s time to heal.

~Nikki

2019: Soul Lessons

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I look at 2019 like a game of chess. It was long and it ended in a stalemate. However, I’ve got the lessons, the diamonds, the nuggets, to prove I am still the champion of my life! I know the importance of counting my blessings in life and looking on the brighter side of things! Let’s start with the BIGGEST lesson.

  1. Listen to your GUT, INTUITION, THE HOLY SPIRIT above all other voices of advice. It’s good to seek godly counsel and good advice, but at the end of the day YOUR intuition is what knows. In fact, you already know the answer most of the time you are seeking “what to do” advice. You just don’t want to do it. You don’t want to be wrong. I didn’t. If you must look, look for confirmation to what your SOUL is saying.
  2. YOUR SOUL is where your intuition is. It comes from deep within. Your brain is your logic. Your heart (emotions) is your feelings. BUT your soul is what knows. So when it comes to matters of the heart, relationships, your heart and brain may be at war, but your SOUL knows. I have to listen to my soul more. MY SOUL WAS SCREAMING, but I was trying to rationalize and feel my way out of a bad situation.
  3. PEACE of MIND, a re-enforced lesson this year, IS EVERYTHING. What can you do without a peace of mind? Well, you may be able to function and get things done, but how much easier it is with a peace of mind. I am a creative being that requires a peace of mind to work. I know it’s my job to protect my peace of mind, but what I learned is that the wrong person in your environment can disturb and destroy your peace of mind. I feel so sorry for those who are linked up, living with, in a relationship, and married to a person that wreaks havoc on their mind and heart.
  4. IT WON’T GET BETTER. Them pretending to do better, do right, etc…nah…You’re not their JESUS (savior) or their THERAPIST which they so desperately are in need of both. Mental illness is real and comes in all shapes and forms. If you have a Narcissist or a Habitual liar on your hands, get them out of your hands, mind, heart, and life. They are only sowing hurt and harm into your life and reaping it in their own lives. It’s a big cycle of UNNECESSARY PAIN AND DRAMA.  Which leads to…
  5. TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST. If you have a mate that only wants to eat junk food, fatty food, overly seasoned food, you may find yourself at the same table and in the same situation health wise they are in. You can nag all you want, but you can’t control other people’s habits. So literally, TAKE CARE OF YOU. Exercise by yourself or with friends. Buy healthier food. Meditate and seek a REAL spiritual connection daily. Actually, that REAL DEEP SPIRITUAL connection may be the thing that helps you move a way from an unhealthy relationship. BACK TO….
  6. MENTAL HEALTH. Go to therapy and don’t discuss what you discussed in therapy with a crazy mate. They will only try to discourage you and manipulate your sessions. It’s like the parable about seed being sown into the right type of ground. “How did your session go? What did your therapist say about us? Did you talk about us?” These are the questions they ask. They want to CONTROL your emotions and thoughts. They want to throw it back in your face and make you feel bad. They will even compare it to you sharing business. They will justify their conversations with other people. Namely the opposite sex. Don’t fall for it. The people they talk to aren’t professionals. Your response: “It went well. I have work to do. I don’t want to talk about my sessions. It’s personal. It’s private. Respect that. I am speaking with a professional. Why don’t you try therapy? I am sure they can refer you to someone.”
  7. TIME RESTORED. It’s just like reclaiming your time. I wasted a big portion of my year on a relationship. I felt bad until God reminded me that time can be restored by the Creator of Time. Time can be added. God has a RESET button. Hallelujah for that! I can get on with the business of dreams and goals like I never missed a beat. Keep it moving.
  8. YOU DIDN’T LOSE WHAT YOU NEVER HAD. You just created space for the RIGHT ONE. THE GOD SENT ONE or OPPORTUNITY.
  9. “IN THE DARKEST HOURS OF YOUR LIFE, USE YOUR NIGHT VISION”-NICOLE JACKSON. One of my favorite quotes dropped in my spirit from me.

Reflect on your 2019 and Release anything, everything, that hindered you or hurt you. Open up your heart to 2020 so that it may be filled with GOOD, PEACE, REAL LOVE and PROSPERITY.

~NIKKI

 

 

 

God Does Care

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God loves you. No way God will give you “anything” that will constantly cause you grief. You need to KNOW THIS. You need to GOVERN YOURSELF ACCORDINGLY. Do not settle and NEVER ACCEPT THE UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR. Anything you accept you approve. You’re saying I want more of this treatment and behavior! And you’re gong to get it! Don’t be afraid to LET GO of DRAMA and HEARTACHE. GOD DOES CARE ABOUT YOUR JOY.

~Nikki

TRUST GOD.

HELLO BEAUTIFUL and then what?

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After they tell you how beautiful you are, send you a billion messages, then what? Then nothing if they never take the time to see your true beauty that lies within. Then nothing if they take for granted your beautiful spirit. And definitely nothing if they abuse your beautiful heart.

~Nikki

Just standing here with my beautiful spirit…with my lamp and my oil.

Hello November! Harvesting Good

Let’s do this November! Bring all the good seed harvest I’ve sown this year. I need every bit of it to make up for the time wasted. But was it really time wasted? Ok it was BUT I learned. I paid for those invaluable lessons. IT’S ALL FOR MY GOOD (My growth because when you love God, have a REAL relationship with God, you are open to learning & growing) because I love God.

I feel like things are settling back into peace and back to work for me. It’s back to my creative grind, growth, and doing all of the wonderful things that I was born to do. Peace is a priority in my life and has been for the last 14 years. As you know, it has to be maintained. It has to be protected by any means necessary.

I went to the doctor this morning and my blood sugar level was good and I’ve lost some weight. My doctor was pleased. I love this getting back to normal. Back into the grove of my little big life. Focused on my family and gifts. Determined to build wealth and see the manifestation of my gifts and talents. And still waiting for the love that is true and adds to the peace I need. Not take away from it. I hope your November is filled with JOY.

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~Nikki

Open Up A Can of Be Gone

To keep certain people in your life is to keep everything & everyone they’re attached to. Sometimes after war you’ve got to take your VICTORY and get the Hell out of there. Light has no business (dealings) with darkness. -Nikki

New Day. Same beautiful, amazing, gifted, talented, resilient you and me.

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The Separation of Self, Church, and Relationships

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I don’t know what I would I do if I were  married to a person that was not motivated or disciplined enough to achieve their dreams and goals. What if you wanted a better life and they were okay with just getting by? I would be so miserable in either situation. I have known marriages to break up over one not wanting to advance, while the other one did and I have seen another break up because one was content just getting by. I’ve seen hardworking men and lazy women, hardworking women and lazy men. I’ve also seen Churches command people to say in these marriages and I’ve seen people encourage others to stay in misery. I mean yes, try, try as many times as you can, get counseling, etc. but at what point do you walk away? I guess only YOU can be brave enough to make that decision and that is the way it should be. You should be able to make it without judgement and without guilt. You should have the support of friends, family, and your God. After all, God is like a Father and I wouldn’t think any loving, caring, father would want you to be miserable in any relationship. And just remember, back then and even now in some countries, women had no say in who they would marry. I don’t think that was of God either! I think it was more cultural than anything.

Well, what about those of us that are dating, in a relationship, living with a significant other? If you see they are not motivated or disciplined enough to pursue their dreams and goals how does that make you feel? Are you slowing down to be their 24/7 cheerleader? Are you doing things for them they could do for themselves? Filling out applications and calling to see if someone is hiring? Googling and researching how to start a repair shop? These are things they can DO FOR THEMSELVES. We can get so involved in helping others we neglect our own dreams, goals, and visions.

Listen, I am about to say something to those of you that are NOT  married. You need to continue to go after your dreams with all of your might and heart while you are not married. Especially, if you have a partner that seems to be lethargic. I mean if your fire doesn’t light their fire, if your encouragement is not enough, if your support and help is not enough, it never will be. I’d rather see manifestation before I say I do, than to see it after and the person lives off of my success. I don’t think there is enough love in the world for me to marry someone that wants to struggle, makes crazy decisions about finances, or that is unstable in employment. I guess in the past, I may have been so blind and so in love, I would have. BUT now that I am more mature and have a better understand of myself, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. If it’s a strain NOW it will be a BURDEN later. The same stands for me spiritually. If I am in a spiritual place they are not in, if our souls are not aligned, I must say good-bye. I don’t have the time for them to play catch up at my age (44). I mean to be 3 miles behind is different than being 30 miles behind. Our ideals, hearts, minds, souls, have to line up somewhat, close I would think. Not perfectly, but certainly not miles and miles and ideals apart which leads to and unequally yoked environment. Personalities and temperaments matter! Comprehension levels and upbringing matters. Maturity levels matter! No relationship or marriage is easy or perfect and I get that. But, should I be sad, mad, 5 days out of 7? Should we be pretending to be okay at church, in front of friends,  and on social media?

I don’t know what the other person is going to do if they are not trying to build a stable life, live out there dreams, or grow. I just know that I have chosen to go forth, full steam ahead, making stops and slowing down to help those that are trying to help themselves as far as dreams and goals are concerned. I don’t want to be bound by Church to stay and I don’t want to be bound by a relationship. I have a right to peace and happiness. Contrary to popular belief, God does care about my peace of mind, my happiness, and what I am called to do. I don’t know if I will ever marry, I hope so. I want to. But, I would have to be 100% certain. In the meantime, I will continue to wait on Divine Intervention. 🙂

~Nikki