Confession: When you have been born and raised in the church, brace yourself, you get tired of church. Sometimes when you are a regular attendee of church you can get weary or just plain tired. Right there is where most people will begin a rant about God and be not weary in well doing. I said church. Not God. Not well-doing. There is a difference. As an adult child of a pastor, I still get tired or bored with the routine of church, the politics of church and I get weary of the outsiders and former insiders looking in from the outside judging the church not knowing how to separate the church from people and the Divine.
The first time this happened to me I didn’t know what it was. I could hardly put it into words but, my actions had no problem expressing how I felt. I stopped going to church. For six months I did nothing much except got a Word from a pastor on T.V., read or visited my home church from time to time. I didn’t know what I had lost. The church was excellent in Word and knowledge but, I could not get past the red tape of leadership and I could not use my gifts. In hindsight I could see that as being the problem mostly for me…not for them so much. The Word at that church changed me from a hearer to a person who could apply the wisdom of the Bible to my life. It gave me insight and understanding I can use for the rest of my life. I am a better person and woman because of it. I think it was just time for me to leave. I had gotten what I came for and I gave what was required.
After six months I found another church home. It has been about three or four years…my zeal has wavered again. It wasn’t until last week I found out it was called “zeal”. It came to me on a Sunday morning sitting in my den looking out the window. I asked over and over what is wrong with me? I can’t feel anything. The word ZEAL popped in my mind. You have lost your Zeal again. Well, who’s fault is that? And the same voice said “Ultimately, yours. You are responsible for your zeal.”. I will start the next blog next week on why you are responsible for your zeal. Note: There are many reasons we will explore about why you lose your zeal and what you can do to get it back and keep it! By the way, you can also lose a zeal for anything and I hope this series will help someone.
It’s too early in the morning for the day to start off on the wrong foot. It’s a great day because you are alive and well. However, you may have woke up late. Maybe you can’t find your other shoe. Perhaps, you are out off cream for your coffee after you have made your coffee. You forgot your presentation. Everyone is cutting you off in traffic and driving like they are under the influence of being late. The worker was rude. The parking attendant had an attitude. You say hello and people keep walking as if you are invisible. You can’t find your keys.
I left my phone at home and I couldn’t get back into my gate. I waited for about 30 minutes and no one came to the gate. I knew I would be late for an appointment.Finally, a woman pulls up and when she opens the gate she speeds past me and almost hits my car. (She’s a neighbor I have let in the gate several times). It’s just one of those mornings but, it doesn’t have to be one of those days. I felt my temper rising, my mood changing and I silently said to my Higher Power: “God, handle my lightweight”.
I know we think we are here to serve God but, God is also here to help us in our weak moments. These little foxes that are trying to spoil your vine (your day) may be plentiful. You can’t address every small thing that appears to be big when they are happening back to back. Your lightweight issues can pile up and you need not go on a rampage. You need not respond as a raging lion to an ant of a problem. Just ask God or your Source to handle your lightweight. Angels will be dispersed.
First, let me say I don’t generally use the term “baby mama” but here I used it to grab the attention of readers. This one is dedicated to the single fathers, divorced single fathers or however you became a single father is none of my business and this is a judgement free zone.
If you want to instantly decrease the drama of the child/children’s mother here is part one. Brace yourself:
Stop sleeping with her. You are keeping a connection physically for you but, emotionally for her. If you are sleeping with her to see your kids or out of convenience I challenge you to grow up and find a better way to see your children such as petitioning the courts to get proper visitation rights and not giving up or giving excuses. If you are sleeping with her to keep her from sleeping with another man, I suggest you get over her and focus on your children.
Stop leading her on. Maybe we will get back together next year, in the future, in out of space. Your leading her on is an indication you are still tied to her. I thought you said you were over her? Not.
Stop parading a slew of women in her face. Why are you doing this anyway? Is that not petty? Another indication you are trying to hurt her for hurting you. It’s called spite. If you have a new woman say so or don’t say so. If you are now married then establish the line and make it all about your children.
Put your child or children first but, let her know you are not the babysitter you are the father who does not mind watching your child/children on the days you are not scheduled. She doesn’t get to interrupt your plans for her plans every weekend so she can hit the club or the Quan ( a new dance craze). The moment you say no she has a problem but the moment you need to rearrange it’s a problem. Tell her if you have to be flexible then so does she and mean it. Either it’s going to be rigid or flexible with both parents.
Digest this and Part 2 will come later. My book Healing the Single Mother is available on amazon.com
Wealth and riches shall be in my house.
Everything I lay my hand to succeeds and prospers
I prosper, my health prospers, my relationship prospers
The more I give the more is given to me
The more I love the more I am loved
My loyalty is returned 100 fold
There are times when you maybe in a place that is functional but does not provide as much beauty or pleasure as you desire. It could be dealing with pain, relationships or living conditions that are not the best. You are in a meantime position.
I was practicing yoga Tuesday and as I rolled out my mat, I saw the tree outside my window. I really like this tree. It is such a beautiful green in the spring and summer and this is my first time seeing it display yellow orange and red simultaneously (I moved here in May of this year). I was in some pain that day so my yoga would be limited. I also don’t care for some things in my new apartment I notice them when I am cleaning and the location is not my first or 100th choice. But this beautiful red maple (I researched and believe this to be a red maple) is “Something to See”.
The message from the Universe, God, Creator or Divine says “I will give you SOMETHING TO SEE in the midst of pain or displeasure. I will give you some beauty for your ashes. I will give you something to focus on to refocus your heart energy. It will be radiant and glorious and it will cause you to feel radiant and glorious in the midst of pain or discomfort. The Source is saying look at me I AM “SOMETHING TO SEE. Look within while you are in and you will realize that you too are SOMETHING TO SEE.”
Look outside the window of your circumstances…there you will find SOMETHING TO SEE. Look within while you are in as situation and you will see that you too are SOMETHING TO SEE.