Category: FROM MY SPIRIT

Strengthen What Remains Notes: WAKE UP

@theconfettishopbynikki on FB

I don’t know what you have been through or what you are going through. I don’t know what you are facing but, I get a sense that we are all tired. We are tired of covid, monkey pox, the economy, politics, the job and then we have our own trials and tribulations, battles, dilemmas. You get off the merry go round only to get on the sea-saw. You get off the sea-saw and now you are on the roller coaster. We are tired! We’ve gone from a shooting here and there to shootings daily and mass shooting every few months. We are tired!

All we want to do is sleep until it’s over. But we can’t sleep until life is over. We must WAKE UP.

Wake up. Be alert. Pay attention to what is going on in our lives, in the world, within us and in our homes. We must pay attention to our thoughts and our minds for the Bible says, TAKE EVERY THOUGHT INTO CAPTIVITY to obey Christ (the anointed one).

END OF NOTES.

IN OTHER WORDS, monitor your thoughts and anything that is not “right” or of “love” or “true” replace it with the proper thoughts. This can be done by meditation, affirmations, prayer or all three. This can be done by staying connected to spirituality or your religion.

~Nikki

Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have found your deeds unfinished in the sight of my God. NIV Revelations 3:2

Wake up! Strengthen what little remains, for even what is left is almost dead. I find that your actions do not meet the requirements of my God. NLT Revelations 3:2

STRENGTHEN WHAT REMAINS

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: I Need Space

Nicole Jackson

It’s important to know when you need space and to take it. You need to know when you’ve reached your limits. You need to recognize when your cup is empty and you need a refill. And sometimes that refill is for you and only you.

I need space. I want to relinquish my roles, responsibilities, and titles. I don’t want to answer anyone about anything. “I don’t know and I don’t care.” I would love to say that. “Figure it out yourself or get someone else” sounds good, too. I’d like to tell the inconsiderate people to buzz off. Buzz is not the word I want to use. Yes. I need space.

I need space before I have a meltdown, a blow up. I need space before I have some sort of physical malfunction. I need space before I become totally depressed. I need space. I need space. I need space.

I need to be called, ma’am or Queen. I need to be told, “Our pleasure” and not by Chick-fil-A. I need room service. I need spa services. I “DARN” sure need to be chauffeured everywhere. I need a live band. I need turn down services. I need to be asked, “Is there anything else we can do for you?”. I need the arts. I need to be prayed over in an ancestorial spiritual kind of way. And when I return, I return with bolder boundaries, consequences, rules, and regulations about how NICOLE will be treated from here on out.

I need space and I am going to take it. I am going to take it in a grand way.

~Nikki

Poem: On the Verge

Photo by Dziana Hasanbekava on Pexels.com

I am exhausted from being a daughter, a mother, a teacher, a preacher, a sister, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear

A sounding board, a punching bag, a punchline, a woman, a black woman, an adult, a spiritual being having a human experience, can you hear?

I don’t care what you need from me, I don’t have it to give

Take your blame, take your shame, take my name out of your mouth

I could care less than a damn what you are talking about

Is that harsh? And so are your demands on my time and my mind

I have lost myself and the rage is making me blind

I am on the verge of depression

Miles from a much-needed therapy session

I’m having thoughts about wishing I never existed

Thoughts of why I ever enlisted

To come to this place called earth

Whose idea was it for a rebirth?

I’d scream my head off if I didn’t need it

But I’ll just say I am fine and you’ll believe it

Because nothing can ever be wrong with me

As if you are the only one that needs to be free

Free from responsibility and tasks and drama and reality

I am going to escape this place and dive into fantasy

I’m packing my bags. DO NOT DISTURB. DO NOT WAIT until I get back

Solve it or seek a professional as a matter of fact

I’m on the verge, the verge of change and evolution

I am on the hinge of a permanent solution

I’m going to cry a river and set sail

Inhale, exhale, and wail

by Nicole Jackson

Why Some Can’t Change

Some people can’t change because guilt has a stronghold on them. Grace and mercy and forgiving yourself will fix that.

You may have to apply grace and mercy to your life over and over and forgive yourself over and over until you get to a place of acceptance. Or you could accept the grace, mercy, and forgiveness that is available to you at all times. You may think you can’t accpet it until you change completely and how is that working out for you? Change is a process and accepting grace, mercy, and forgiveness until the chains of guilt are broken is part of the process.

When you start to blame yourself, feel guilty, remind yourself that you are forgiven and you are covered by grace and mercy. You do not have to stay defeated. You do not have to live a defeated life because of guilt. You can move on. You can grow. You can enjoy this life.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Understanding Anger Triggers

It all started with a text at 4 am that woke me up. It really could have waited until after 7am because it was not urgent. I could have waited to get up to do what they were asking me to do but, since they had already woken me up…I got up. There was a problem with the site I was on. Then I realized after a frantic search my license was missing. Magically, the site fixed itself and I was able to do what the person was asking me to do. Now, back to the license, I tried to enter my number and it just would not take it. I texted my friend at a decent hour because I knew they were up and they knew about the DMV and he asked me if I had 0 in front of the number. I tried that and it worked.

During this small window I was ANGRY. I was beyond ANGRY. I was unnecessarily ANGRY. You get the picture. After two meditations and half an affirmation, I began to calm down but, because I am analytical, I wondered WHY was I SO ANGRY. I should have been irritated perhaps but not ANGRY. Frustrated, yes. ANGRY no. And what exactly was I really angry about? Therapy has helped me to get this far in understanding my emotions and actions but, at this moment I am in search of a new therapist because mine retired. So….WHY? What’s the real trigger?

It wasn’t the text. It wasn’t the site. It was the loss of my license but, why? I can get another one even if I have to go there physically. It was finances, also. It cost me to do what the person asked me to do and I felt irresponsible for losing my license. Here is what you have to understand, the trigger is anxiety that surrounds finances that started when I became really ill and lost all of my savings. I was struggling going through the disability process. The irresponsible feeling really is from a feeling of YOU ARE ALWAYS GETTING IT WRONG OR CAN’T GET IT RIGHT that comes from childhood. You’re creating a problem and you are a problem because you create problems and this time with your “irresponsibility”.

No matter what it is, it is my fault. Getting sick and having a disease, my fault. Having anxiety around money because I could no longer work for 3 years and struggled, it is my fault. These thoughts are not reality. These things were out of my control. Although I AM responsible for managing my finances and keeping up with my license or important documents, I do not have to feel the huge weight of “fault”. We all misplace things. I am not the only person to have some unexpected expense or expected expense that impacted my finances. And that feeling of FAULT really is derived from GUILT. The guilt of not having it all together since my illness. And once again, why don’t you have it all together by now? You’re a problem.

But it also comes from me in the present having an overwhelming schedule of things to do and it’s not all related to the past. The feeling of I don’t need anything else on my plate! The inconvenience of it all. The waking me up, the site not running smoothly, the problem with the DMV site first thing in the morning sent me into ANGER.

So, as you can see, it’s complex! You can see where you may need some professional help to not only understand it but to create an effective plan to help you to put things in perspective and when you do that, you can learn to adjust your emotions and have the appropriate feelings. GOOD therapists are a gift to this troubled world. It’s four hours later and I am using my skills learned in therapy to put things into perspective and change my emotions. I am almost at a good place. There was a time when something like what happened this morning would have taken me all day or days to get over.

I am telling myself, “It was irritating getting that text. It broke my sleep and sleep doesn’t come easy for me. I was irritated. It was frustrating because the site was slow and logging me out. It was frustrating when I couldn’t enter my license to get a new one. I felt overwhelmed because I have quite a bit on my plate. I felt anxious about money coming out of my account.” I can see it now. I can understand it now. I don’t have to be angry but I can be these other things and I can let it go.

~Nikki

No Room for Complacency

Photo by Secret Garden on Pexels.com

The church and our lives are in a time of great stagnation and mediocracy on many levels. I’m talking spiritually as far as the church and our lives. I’m talking about career and personal goals, dreams and so forth. I love to be the one to tell you that there is no room for stagnation and mediocracy in our lives!

No, no! This is not the time to sit back and see. This is not the time for compromising on your standards and requirements. This is not the time for tolerance and complacency.

He came that you may have life and have it more abundantly. The Word says may you prosper, and be in good health.

From my teaching (preaching, okay sermon), Strengthen What Remains

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: The Late, Late, Late Edition

It’s the late, late, late edition! I took the week off because it was one of the most activity/ to-do lists, filled weeks of this month. I made time each evening for myself as one thing that was non-negotiable on the list. I made an exception only if I felt up to staying up late to work one night and I did because I had so much energy (which rarely happens) to burn.

I spoke at my home church this Sunday and the message was STRENGTHEN WHAT REMAINS (Revelations 3:1-2). I will post some keynotes Wednesday and Thursday. The only thing I mused about Sunday was how to make September a month in which I can replenish my spirit, body, and soul. I am not rushing this month away but, I am ready to do much less. I am over Women’s Month at church this month and I know, in my spirit, I should have said no!

Why? Because you can’t keep rescuing people or they will never learn to help themselves. I regretted the moment I said yes. I knew I was out of order. I started to dread the whole thing. I felt a low mood and anxious mood creeping in. I felt overwhelm-ness coming in like a dark cloud. I thought, “I’m just going to do the bare minimum. I’m going to keep it simple. I just want to get it over with.” But God was like, “You can’t do that. You have to give it your very best. You have to work as if you are working for me because you are. Although, you are out of line.” So, I asked God to help me, to give me strength. I also asked for and received forgiveness.

Later, I asked myself what could I do not to become overwhelmed and stressed this month. I knew the “energies” of the month. I wrote this down:

  • Go to be on time
  • Shower and soak as often as you need to
  • Take a sedative if you need to
  • No food after 8:30 pm
  • Limit your social media using the well-being app and no social media after 9pm
  • Enforce boundaries with everyone
  • Come to a stop with your work and wind down
  • Throw in some fun even if it’s limited

Women’s Month went from basic to me doing it the way I tend to do things I’m over and that is with excellence. Not perfection, although I can be a bit of a perfectionist, but excellence. Well, at least I will try! So far, things have worked out.

On the 1st Sunday we had a guest speaker.

2nd Sunday we had a tribute to strong women from the history of the church

On the 3rd Sunday we will have a skit on mental health and therapist to speak on mental health and the black community

4th Sunday we will have female Saxophonist to bless us with song

Dressed in Strength is the theme from Proverbs 31:16-17.

I have blabbed enough tonight. I hope you rest well or enjoy your day depending on when you are reading this!

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Mind on My Money and My Money on My Mind

Someone’s Yacht in Orange Beach Pensacola, Alabama

I don’t have to tell you that gas and groceries are high. Most of you are here in America and you have to eat and go back and forth to work so you have been to the pump and the grocery store. Before any of this took place I’d been concerned about finances. I took a long hard look this year at how I spend my money. I had some major things happen and it feels as if my savings account will never recover. It seems as if I get some savings and then before I can build on it, it crumbles.

It is clear to me this morning the key is I must save more. I must make some huge sacrifices and that sacrifice may be no vacations this year. One vacation is already out the door and another has one foot out and one foot in. I am on the fence about it. I should say I am simply prolonging saying “I’m sorry family. But I will not be able to join you this fall for vacation. I need to save.”

I really want to get away from it all. I need to. So, what’s a girl to do? Perhaps I will get away in my own city. A stay-cation sampling the good life of the Uppercrust in my city or maybe, do a vlog of living high off the hog on a budget. Perhaps, I will prepare for an amazing vacation next year or maybe push my vacation back to December. I don’t know.

Inflation and changing my spending habits has been a challenge. I have discovered that if I am restricted for a long period of time of not getting things I want, I tend to binge spend. Yes. I regret it later. But this time, if I play my cards right, I will be able to pad my savings and purchase things I want for myself and for my home. It’s a new month. It’s a new day. I am really grateful that grace and mercy is available every morning but, I need to stop the tangent splurges and not need grace and mercy in that area so often.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: BIG August Energy

August brings to the table a 5 energy and a 14 energy. Whether you believe it or not energy exists. You can walk into a room a couple was arguing in and “feel” the tension. Tension, just like happiness, carries energy. You are made up of energy.

If you take heed of last month’s energy, you will be prepared. If not, you will have to get prepared as you go. You will need to ground yourself often this month because there is not much structure to the 5 energy. It likes its freedom. It does not want to be nailed down. It can be unpredictable. So, you may have your own plans and God will have plans. Life will have plans. People that you are working with will have plans. All of these plans will work out but, there will seemingly be so many hiccups big and small. BUT BY ALL MEANS…PLAN!

It will all work out if you remember to ground yourself and breathe. And pray. And meditate. And go for a long walk. Whatever it is you do to HELP you to think of solutions. If you are getting your rest and doing some of these things regularly, you will be able think quickly on your feet. After big episodes or back-to-back episodes of annoyances, TAKE SOME TIME to unplug and enjoy yourself. Go to your hobby. Take a weekend getaway or staycation. This is grounding.

This is a good time for adventure and socializing. Get outside of your comfort zone. Change is good. But make sure it’s CALCULATED. Do something different. Try a different Starbucks refresher. Try a new exercise routine. Change may come quickly and catch you off guard. You will have to adapt.

The five energy is very, very RESOURCEFUL. This will help you as unexpected change comes and plans go awry.

Take a look at your goals from the beginning of the year. Where do you stand? What can you do, what needs to change, and what has to be let go of?

The 5 energy comes with a warning. It can be excessive and addictive. This is why I suggest grounding often. Unplugging often. Getting rest. Making sure you have your plans for the day, week, or for a project mapped out. It’s your guide and remain flexible to the unexpected. You don’t want to drown your sorrows, frustrations, etc. in drugs, alcohol, sex, TV, books, the gym, or get lost in a hobby. You may question some of those things such as books or the gym but too much of anything will keep you from facing your problems, solving them, and moving on even if it seems to have a benefit. I can’t game all day, all week, all month because what about my real-life goals? Balance my loves. Balance.

Plus, this is promotion energy. This relocation energy. This is turn up on your dreams and goals. “The strong will survive and the wise will thrive. Therefore, be strong and wise.”- Nicole Jackson

~Nikki